Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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