he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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