if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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