I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
