My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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