never play flip cup with pint glasses
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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