my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We are two peas in an std pod
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
