i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
