i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
