that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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