Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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