whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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