I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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