I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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