Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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