I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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