I am spending my child support on dildos
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
