Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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