A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
