hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
