Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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