Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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