Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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