Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
