i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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