remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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