Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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