batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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