i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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