rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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