if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
