This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
