TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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