I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
