So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize