Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
