I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
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