Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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