He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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