Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
