i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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