Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
