He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
