You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
