I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
