hotel room ftw
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
