youre lurking in front of me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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