My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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