if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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