I want to stick my p in your. b.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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