He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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