But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
