what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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