how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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