3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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