That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
