I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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