my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
