last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
