It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
